The Silent Revenge Narcissists Never See Coming: Top 5 Tips

- How to get revenge against a narcissist without so much as saying a word. Christina and I talk about how to tame the triggers of your reactions and how to take away the narcissist's supply. - Speaker A tells people how to get revenge against a narcissist by setting boundaries. The contact boundaries are no contact, gray rock, yellow rock, and low contact. - Speaker A tells people to consider yellow rock or low contact. She reminds people that boundaries always have consequences and to have boundaries around what they accept from the narcissist in their life. - Speaker A talks about how to get revenge against a narcissist. Speaker A is getting the full support of people around you. Speaker B is getting real about the current situation. - Speaker A tells people that the fallout from the narcissist is most obvious at the ground zero. So cherish the good that's surrounding you right now and acknowledge the bad. Then focus on the things that you can more easily affect. - Imagine a narcissist drunk on power and finding out that you were able to strengthen the friendships. Then imagine the narcissist appreciating and grateful. Then talk about a more common revenge method, called the Glow up.

Revenge against a narcissist doesn't have to be loud or dramatic. In fact, the most powerful revenge is often silent. And today, we're going to cover all the ways in which you can reset the scales of justice with a narcissist without so much as saying a word. So let's get started with the first way you can get revenge against a narcissist. And they won't see it coming, and that is by taking away their supply. So it sounds easy enough, but if you've ever tried it, you know it's not as simple in practice. But here's the cold, hard truth you need to know before we dig into the details. And the truth is that when you are easily triggered, you are easily manipulated. So, to start, think of your emotional triggers as buttons. Every time you react strongly to something a narcissist says or does, you're letting them know exactly which buttons to push. It's kind of like handing them a manual on how to control you. So disconnect those buttons, and the narcissist will have no idea how to control you. It's kind of like you're erasing their instruction manual. So maybe they still have an outdated version. But what can they do when it no longer works? I don't know the answer to that. And guess what? The good news is the narcissist doesn't know either. And I want to be clear that taming your triggers doesn't mean becoming emotionless. It means taking control of your reactions. Now, if your strategy. We're going to talk about this a little bit later, but if your strategy is gray rock, that does mean becoming emotionless. And that strategy is great for so many people, but it does not work for everyone. And when we're talking about taming your triggers, we also want to be able to tame those triggers around everyone, not just a narcissist that you can easily or not so easily cut out of your life. So although they may be the big problem right now, if we address what's beneath it and what is actually triggering to you and we can neutralize those triggers, then you become kind of bulletproof to any narcissist or manipulative person in the future, because when you are no longer easily triggered, you are no longer easily manipulated. And so I know what you're thinking. It's easier said than done. Christina and I totally get that. But we can make it easier by breaking it down. So you don't need to become a robot or even stop yourself from feeling angry or irritated by the narcissist's nonsense. All you really have to do is take a pause. That seems so much more manageable, right? So when you learn to pause between a trigger and your response, you create space where you can choose how to react. And this pause will absolutely prove to be your superpower, especially when you're dealing with a narcissist. A simple pause can give you time to remind yourself that you don't want to give in to the narcissist's manipulation. You actually want to maintain control and autonomy, and you want to keep them guessing. And suddenly they're left without their favorite tool of control. And that will definitely catch them by surprise, especially if they've been able to manipulate you easily in the past. See, narcissists thrive on drama and emotional highs. They push your buttons to create chaos, which allows them to swoop in as either the victim or. Or the savior. And when you don't provide that expected drama, their whole script falls apart. They can't play their usual role, and this throws them off balance. And to take this even deeper, narcissists have a deep seated fear of being insignificant. And they use your strong reactions, whether positive or negative, to feed their sense of importance. So when you tame those triggers of yours, you're essentially telling them, you don't have the power to shake my world. You don't have the power to get to me anymore. And this is gonna be very unsettling to them. It challenges their very sense of control and importance. And that is literally everything to a narcissist. That is their whole identity. So if you want revenge, this is one of the best ways to go about it. You probably won't see an immediate breakdown in their response, but you will see confusion and maybe even desperation as they squirm to find other ways to get to you. Welcome to the common ego community. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Christina and I'm a toxic relationship recovery coach. And if you've recently come to the end of a relationship with a narcissist and want help with the strategies we're covering here today and many more, check out the Breakthrough Intensive, a guided six week program to help you get the absolute best revenge against a narcissist, which is complete detachment and you walking away and living your best life, there's a link in the description for that. And now let's talk about one of my favorite ways to get revenge against a narcissist. And trust me, they won't see this one coming. And that is by setting boundaries. Boundaries are like kryptonite to a narcissist because they limit the narcissist's access to you. So let's start with the basics, and that is contact boundaries. So you need to figure out what contact boundaries work best for you before you can enforce them. And some common contact boundaries are no contact, gray rock, which I mentioned earlier, yellow rock, and low contact. So backing it up. No contact. It's self explanatory, but it must be enforced to the fullest. So be sure to block the narcissist everywhere. If they've had unlimited access to you before, this will be an absolute shock to them, but you won't see the evidence because you've got them blocked everywhere. So the next level of contact boundary is called gray rock. And this is when your communications with the narcissist are kept to what's absolutely necessary and nothing more. And even with that, you're removing any emotion from your voice and body language. You're becoming as boring as a gray rock. And that can look and feel very robotic. So trust me, if you're doing this right, the narcissist will will notice a difference. And depending on your situation, this may be exactly what you need or it may cause more problems for you. So if you can't go no contact and you think that gray rock will be problematic, consider yellow rock or low contact. These methods are similar to one another and they offer a way for you to continue showing up as yourself, but not as often and without sharing as much information. So you can think of yellow rock as a less severe and robotic version of gray rock. If it's done right, it can typically go unnoticed by the narcissist, while also preventing their access to information about you, which they would only use to manipulate you. So in addition to contact boundaries, you're going to want to have boundaries around what you accept from the narcissist in your life. So for example, if they start calling you names, or if they start raising their voice and really getting combative or argumentative, that may be a boundary for you and you may want to shut down the conversation. So with this, remember that boundaries always have consequences. So if they cross that boundary, shutting down the conversation is a really good consequence. You can always say, listen, this is getting out of hand, this is crossing my boundary, or this is going nowhere and we can pick this up at another time. Just a little side note, it's usually best not to use the word boundary with a narcissist because that tends to Open the door for a whole other argument. And if you're setting and enforcing this boundary, you probably already have an argument on the table. So it's usually best to say something like, this isn't going anywhere, or, neither of us are getting what we want out of this. So let's just take a break and come back to it later. So now let's talk about another way you can get revenge against a narcissist. And I promise you, they will not see this one coming. And now we're talking about getting the full support of people around you. And to a narcissist who wants to isolate you and smear your name, this is the ultimate slap in the face in the best possible way. So where do you even start? When you've been isolated for a long time and you know that the narcissist has been successful at turning other people against you, it feels like an uphill battle. It feels almost impossible. Right? And because of that, and because it feels like you're coming from such a low place, I want to kick off this topic with a quote from author bell hooks. Sometimes people try to destroy you precisely because they recognize your power. Not because they don't see it, but because they see it and don't want it to exist. So if you're in a place where you've been isolated or people have turned their backs on you, this right now, it's a pivotal moment. You can accept the narcissist's narrative, which may sound something like, you're worthless and nobody likes you, or you can build back stronger and prove that the narcissist was wrong about you. And as a bonus, anyone they may have turned against, you will also get to witness your comeback moment. And that's always a good feeling. So start by getting real about your current situation. Take note of all the things that are objectively true, good and bad. So how many people do you have in your corner right now, today? And have you seemingly lost friends or family members along the way? So whether while you were in this relationship or in a smear campaign, that came later. So think of this as your ground zero. It's where the fallout from the narcissist is most obvious. And the benefit of looking at it this way is, is that it doesn't get worse. So cherish the good that's surrounding you right now. That good can come along with you as you move to higher ground, but also acknowledge the bad. It's your time to part ways with all of that right now. At this point, if someone was able to be swayed against you. Just allow it to be. Because anyone who believes lies about you without hearing your side of the story was already looking for an excuse to turn on you. They're not worth another minute of your time. If you want to revisit any of those relationships later, when you're on higher ground and you're feeling stronger, that's entirely up to you. But right now, focus on the things that you can more easily affect. Okay, so now let's get back to the topic of revenge. So imagine how good a narcissist would feel about successfully isolating you and turning others against you. Not only do they get to hurt you, but they can also prove to themselves that their powers of manipulation are far reaching as they successfully manipulate other people out of your life. I think the phrase drunk on power would accurately describe a narcissist's mental state at this stage. So let's flip the script here and imagine this narcissist all drunk on power and finding out or seeing firsthand that you were able to actually strengthen the friendships that you had remaining and all of the relationships that you had remaining, that those came out stronger after all the narcissist's hard work to destroy whatever you had. And imagine them getting a front row seat to witness you being, being actually appreciative and grateful that you got to see everyone's true colors and now you can focus more on the people who matter to you most. Kind of almost like the narcissist did you a favor. And look, I know it's painful, and I know it doesn't feel like they did you a favor, but eventually you may actually start to see it that way. And if you start to adopt that mindset now, or at least be open to it, what's going to happen is that the narrative is going to change for you and you're going to start seeing little by little, step by step. It's a process. It takes time, but you'll start seeing glimmers of hope in something that once looked hopeless. So listen, if you can actually undo the narcissist's damage, you can regain control not only of your life, but also of the power dynamic. Just be sure to take your newfound power as far away from the narcissist as you can get. And if you can do that, you'll be able to secure this as a major win. Okay, so now let's spend a minute or two talking about a more common revenge method, and that's often called the Glow up. This applies just as much to men as it does to women. When you start taking care of your mind and body, you'll naturally look more attractive and feel better. So even if it feels like it goes against everything you want to do right now, try to find a way to fit in a self care routine. And this, it really isn't about revenge. Revenge is more like a happy side effect. So if you're fresh out of a relationship with a narcissist, your emotions might be all over the place. You might be struggling with mood swings, anxiety, mild depression. These things are all normal as your nervous system starts to reset. Of course, if it ever seems extreme, definitely see a professional to get to the bottom of what might be going on. But do understand that your nervous system will need time to reset after walking on eggshells and waiting for the other shoe to drop for so long. And when you're in this phase, self care might seem like a waste of time. Do it anyway. It might sound cliche, but your future self will absolutely thank you. Because giving your body the right care and attention will help your system regulate. And in the end, you'll appear fitter, happier and more well adjusted. All the things that will send the narcissist reeling. Because here's a little secret. They actually thought that you'd fall apart without them. Do whatever it takes to prove them wrong. So now let's talk about the ultimate revenge a narcissist will not see coming. And this one will make them feel completely insignificant, which is the worst thing you can do to a narcissist. And do be careful with this one too, because if you are successful, you'll either be met with a smear campaign or a Hoover attempt, maybe even both. So this form of silent revenge is living your best life. And it certainly does start with a glow up of sorts. And it incorporates all of the things that we've been talking about here today. But when you're living your best life, you're completely unbothered by what the narcissist is doing, thinking or feeling. In fact, they're the furthest thing from your mind. Actually, they are insignificant to your life and so you're not even worried about revenge anymore. And to get here, you will need a combination of all the things that we've talked about today, along with a bit of rewiring. Because if this were easy, you wouldn't be watching this video right now. And it's true that the methods that will get you there do take a bit of time and a whole lot of consistent action on your part, but living your best life is truly the best revenge. And like I said, I do have a guided six week program to help you expedite that track. If you're interested in learning more, click this link right here. And if you want to know what happens to the narcissist after you've successfully gotten your revenge, click this link right here. Just be sure to hit that like button before you go, if you haven't already, and I'll see you next time.